The Robert Pattinson Diaries — Tricking Kristen Stewart to a Date

Robert Pattinson on Water for Elephants Set – June 2010

A Fictitious Entry that Chronicles the Thirst of Robert Pattinson aka Edward Cullen for Kristen Stewart aka Bella Swan

Was there ever a bloke who had a problem such as mine? I think not. I must hold the dubious honor of having a girlfriend who doesn’t want to go out on a date with me.

Not that I look like a hideous orc. Nor do I look like a twat. In fact, some people actually consider me pretty decent looking. Some have even called me scalding hot, which is quite embarrassing, but there you go. I must admit that I do act like an idiot at times though. Okay, a lot of times.

No, it’s not my physical appearance that my girlfriend objects to. I can say with utmost certainty that I think, in my most sane moments that is, that I suppose she loves me, which means I could be a complete and total arse, yet she would still love me. And that’s bloody true love if you ask me.

So going back as to why she doesn’t want to be seen in public with me. Well, it’s because she just absolutely hates it when strangers talk about us. I am not referring to your general ‘Oh they look cute together’ kind of comment. Nothing crappy like that.

It’s very strange but people want to know every little tidbit about us. Where we’re staying, what we’re wearing, what we’re doing, where we’re going, what we’re eating, what we’re talking about, what we’re thinking… I bet if we were in one of those reality shows, we would get high ratings.

So, how do I get my girlfriend to go out on a date with me? Well, after long deliberation that employed logical and imaginative thinking, I have come upon a conclusion. There’s only one way.

I have to be Mister Masterful, which essentially means I won’t give my girlfriend a chance to say no to a nice dinner in a nice restaurant like normal couples do all the time. Deceit will become a necessary tool to fool her into a date.

First, I have to lie so that she’ll wear something pretty. Nothing grand, jeans with a nice top would do. Maybe if I say that there’s an event or something. Oh dear, I would have to do better than that.

Anyway, while we’re in the car, I have to distract her by whispering some seductive French phrases in her ear. And then maybe some snogging. Yeah, definitely a lot of snogging so she won’t see we’re headed to a posh restaurant. Besides, I like the taste of her lips.

In fact, I should probably arrange with the management for a back door entrance and exit, and a nice little alcove so we can have some privacy. And, since she’s realized by this time that I’ve told her a big fib, I’ll hush her every protest with a quick kiss.

And I’ll ply her with wine to make her mellow and in the mood to forgive me, but not drunk. Maybe I should practice my puppy dog look in the mirror. That would help.

And maybe I should ask my mates for some advice. But what if they tell me that what I’m planning is total rubbish? ‘Sod off,’ I’ll say.

Well, there you go. Mister Masterful has got everything under control.

Robert Pattinson on Water for Elephants Set – June 2010

Photo Credits

Photos Courtesy of Lainey Gossip
Photos: Coqueran/Fame Pictures

Lorna Lopez aka ATwilightKiss Notes

Snogging an Alien This post was inspired after I read the book — Three Ways to Snog an Alien by Graham Joyce

Druce’s new girlfriend is hot, but what’s with the weird behaviour, freaky parents and the super-human intelligence? And was that really a forked tongue he saw or did he imagine it? Then he meets someone on the internet who tells him that aliens have infiltrated the planet. Could Angela be an alien? Is she really trying to suck out his brains?

Robert Pattinson Wants A Date Presumably, Robert Pattinson was talking about Kristen Stewart when he admitted that he wanted to go on a date.

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