The Kristen Stewart Diaries — Deeply Hidden Longing for Robert Pattinson
A Fictitious Entry that Chronicles the Thirst of Kristen Stewart for Robert Pattinson
I glared at the paparazzo, silently challenging him to take more pictures of my boyfriend Mike and I walking down a street in Vancouver after eating lunch with Nikki.
This one’s all about a brokenhearted Twilight honey!
I felt the testosterone surge through my body, readying me for a battle that I still couldn’t consciously identify. I just knew that there was a strong need to call Mike in Los Angeles, and to haul him to Vancouver for one of its busiest weekends ever, for the city was hosting the Juno Awards, and its residents and guests were partying till they drop.
The Vice stuff is all about one castmember who’s found herself in a romantically dangerous spot.
For my lunch date with my boyfriend, I wanted to draw back my hair for easy identification. I didn’t want to wear shades for concealment. I wanted to come out of hiding, not hang my head down. I wanted to be identified as the girlfriend of Michael Angarano, and I needed to be seen with him.
The little monsters grinned widely, tushes twitching wildly in excitement. The little twerps!
But it’s so tough for this thick-haired beauty to handle herself, the spotlight and a man.
I don’t know exactly what was driving me today. Or the past few weeks for that matter. I was feeling so aggressive the past couple of days that I could be a lone football player tackling and pinning a whole opposing team.
Photo Uploaded from Lainey
Photo: PunkD Images
And then an image of Rob laughing on the New Moon set further irritated me. How can he stand there all by himself and look so damn happy? What was he laughing about? Was it something about me? Or somebody else? I wanted to go over and kick his shins.
The excited monsters quivered in anticipation.
Especially when temptation is lurking literally right around the corner.
Photo Uploaded from Just Jared
Photo: INFDaily
Then I became confused when I remembered the sense of desolation that engulfed me when Rob seemed to be constantly doing something else on the New Moon set and rehearsal halls. I missed the way we would just hang out all the time, the way he would always be beside me and showered me with his attention.
I recalled with a pang how I lowered my head down while walking behind him and his team on the way to the set, the sight of him bringing a constriction to my chest that I couldn’t explain.
It’s caused our poor babe angst ’cause so many games are being played with her head, since the scruffy and studly guy keeps giving her mixed signals.
Photo Uploaded from I’m Not Obsessed
Photo: INF
The name of Rob brought my attention back to the present, and then Nikki’s statement struck me in the gut. She was saying goodbye because she was going to go now to Rob’s place.
To do what? Talk? Listen to music? Read? And then the monsters breathed, “Or something else?”
The thought tortured me for a moment and I instinctively broke away from Mike as I stuffed both my hands in my pockets.
I say it’s time to split from the current on-again, off-again guy and find yourself the real deal, babe. Like, maybe the affectionate hottie who’s filming right next to you?
I kicked the cheering monsters viciously into silence.
Photo Uploaded from Lainey
Photo: PunkD Images
Lorna Lopez aka ATwilightKiss Notes
Blind Item on E! The italicized sentences are quotations from a blind item from E!’s Ted Casablanca, entitled Time for a New Moon Relationship that was published on 27 March 2009 7:02 AM PDT
Lainey Breaks the News On 30 March 2009, Lainey reports the Michael Angarano and Kristen Stewart sighting on 29 March 2009.
“Kristen Stewart was joined by her BF Michael Angarano and her BFF Nikki Reed on Sunday. Here they are coming from late lunch. Interestingly enough, a short while after their meal, Nikki was spotted heading over to Rob’s. She stayed at his place a few hours, then they went out and hooked up with some friends…”
The Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Romantic Timeline Here’s a timeline of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart’s romantic history, the way I see it:
Rob and Kristen fell in love at first sight during the Twilight auditions.
Rob recognized what happened, Kristen totally didn’t.
Despite her ignorance, Kristen was drawn to Rob.
Since Kristen was giving him the right signals, Rob declared his love and admiration in physical and verbal ways.
Michael and Kristen had a strong discussion about the situation.
Kristen decided to stay with Michael, because, to her, that’s the definition of real love.
Kristen started using the friendship card repeatedly in interviews.
Rob is hurt and confused, but, accepts the situation.
Rob decides to start gravitating away from Kristen.
Kristen is still continuously telling herself, “I love Mike. Rob is just a friend.”
Subconsciously, Kristen knows she’s in love with Rob, which, if ever she admits to herself, will drive her insane because it will throw everything she believes in upside down; so she chooses status quo. It’s safer mentally, psychologically and emotionally. So she’s going to hide her little monsters of truth deeply, until she squashes them into non-existence.
However, Kristen, like Bella, can still have an epiphany. The problem is, will Rob still feel the same way when she does?
Related Posts
How Stephenie Meyer Predicted the Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart Relationship
10 Don’ts for Kristen Stewart or People Will Say You’re In Love with Robert Pattinson
Kristen Stewart & Boyfriend Michael Angarano Laugh at Robert Pattinson Rumors
Spinning the Kristen Stewart Issues on Robert Pattinson & the Oscars & Nylon Mag
Lyrics for Robert Pattinson — Scaredy Cat Kristen
March 31st, 2009 at 4:39 pm
What’s wrong with Kris? I think it’s time for me to just alight from the r/k ship and disengage myself from the ‘r/k together’ wish. I am a little bit broken-hearted. who wouldn’t? I meant it’s been months of me constantly looking up the news of their romance almost everywhere on the web, praying that they will actually become a real couple one day, soon. If i were rob, i would completely pull myself away from this attention-seeking Kris. (sorry i like kris too, but it’s just hard for me to accept the fact that she’s still with MA and has been continuously breaking rob’s heart). If i were rob, i would just go out with whoever is single and available, and try to get over Kris! What on earth is going on with this girl?
March 31st, 2009 at 5:30 pm
i looove ur kstew diaries, coz i am literally losing sleep over thinking about what’s going on kstew’s little head, and ur work of fics are definitely giving me answers to keep me enlightened so i could shove these thoughts at the back of mu head in the meantime.
And on a personal note: yay! im going home(Phils) for a vacation soon! cant wait! sorry… just have to shout that one out! LOL
March 31st, 2009 at 5:36 pm
just a quick observation though, i noticed in that JJ pic of rob that he’s not wearing his usual rayban wayfarer anymore… maybe its because MA stole it from him! mwahahahha!
March 31st, 2009 at 5:41 pm
what the h-l is going on with her? duh! michael maybe a warm person, gentle person or blahblahblah but i can’t see the chemistry betmeen M nd Kris. like kris want to say “hold on, don’t go away. i need you to convince fans that i’m yours.”
CONVINCE
i just want to see mike dump kris in the middle of filming eclipse, or breaking dawn.can’t he just dump her and date with Danielle panabaker (mike’s sky high co-star)? i heard that danielle has already broke up with jesse McCartney.
okay, back to first topic, i think it’s possible kris would date with rob. rob admitted that he’s kristen’s big fan, that he dreamed about kris, and he had a crush on kris!
so what he has to do? rob already fall in love with kris!
(am i too over, damn it. i loved them both. 100%)
March 31st, 2009 at 6:49 pm
You are right, I’m sad now, I think I just want to give up…but hey rob! Don’t give up like me! I hope there are good news later on
March 31st, 2009 at 6:49 pm
You are right, I’m sad now, I think I just want to give up…but hey rob! Don’t give up like me! I hope there are good news later on, I hope so…
March 31st, 2009 at 6:55 pm
ohh that was so sad…im so over it..im tired…
March 31st, 2009 at 7:30 pm
nah, i have nothing to say. (well there is) a part of me is losing hope for robsten to become reality. i like rob and kristen as an individual and as an actor and actress. but stil a very big part of me wants them to be together. i felt bad when i saw the pics. but this entry gives me hope.
i just wish everything will fall in place. i wish kristen realizes that she’s so into rob and by that time i hope rob still feels the same. 
March 31st, 2009 at 7:54 pm
Okay, the only thing that I am focusing on is how Nikki went to Rob’s for a few hours and then they went out together with a few friends. I have always thought that Rob and Nikki were kind of together, even though I am for Robsten. If Rob and Nikki are really together…ugh. It’s not making me happy.
March 31st, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Agree with your analysis.
I don’t see Kristen getting enlightened anytime soon tho. One, I haven’t heard that MA’s found a new gig so he’ll prolly be hanging out in Vancouver all through the filming. Two, Nikki Reed has firmly entrenched herself in Kristen & apparently Rob’s inner circle. Kristen I can understand because I’m sure MA likes having Nikki around as his ally. But Rob — I had hoped Rob had woken up to Nikki’s shenanigans. I’m not convinced that they’re banging @ other but she has been seen hanging out with Rob & Sam Bradley. Not good. NR is working both sides and you can be sure that she will do all in her power to make sure R/K never become reality.
Which is just as well, thank goodness I’ve been off the ship for a while now. Hope Rob finds a nice girl that can appreciate him for himself – and Lord, I sure hope that ain’t Nikki. Seriously, I was much happier seeing Rob alone than hanging out with the “threesome”. Jeez.
March 31st, 2009 at 8:28 pm
no we cant loose hope bc things arent as they seem between MA and kristen something strange is going on something that smells bad
March 31st, 2009 at 9:10 pm
I think that Kristen is still in love with her bf.Don’t forget that they’re together for 2 years,he’s her first relacionship and all girls are very emotional with their first bf.they connect a lot!
March 31st, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Ok.. Just wait and see.. We can’t do anything..that’s their life..
now,I have to trying so hard to jumping from robsten ship..I have to give up.. I don’t want to be the victim of this hollywood-drama love story (oh,,whatever we called it)..
Or I’m just trying to thinking, that everything happened so far between the two or three (+ MA ) just an act.. They’re actors..
Just keep posting.. I love ur writing.. Maybe u should write a novel base on KS / rob diaries..haha2..
But, I will always watching the continuation between the two..and I hope I will love the 3 upcoming movies..lol,,
March 31st, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Arrrggghhh!! I am as hooked with your entries as I am with the Twilight Saga!! I love each and every one! You are my new brand of heroin .. LOL
I can’t help but think Starryrae is right about NR. I’ve been getting the same vibe since the beginning! NR is working both KS and RP!If this is conscious or unconscious I don’t know. I read somewhere that NR is good friends with MA too that’s why she is cheering for the whole MA/KS pairing. However, the old adage “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” keeps on flashing in front of my eyes whenever I see her chummy chummy pictures with KS.
I bet KS is feeling the Bella in New Moon right now .. with RP pulling away and being “unavailable”. I’m hoping their “reunion” scenes will jolt her =) (crossing ALL my fingers)
March 31st, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Hey you know what? Even my maid said this, “i think kristen will break up with Michael. She doesn’t fit with him. She’s more to rob.”.
For every fans of robsten, don’t give up! Let’s hope and pray for them so that kristen breaks up with M and with rob together forever.
Do not give up, pal!
March 31st, 2009 at 9:43 pm
u kno guys..i’ve been through in the same condition like u guys do have now who really want to see rob and kris together.and me,myslef nearly got crazy because i think about them a lot,FOR MANY MONTHS I THINK
but i almost got over it..i’ll try to accept reality..if they will fallin in love.let that happen naturally..and guys,love doesnt need chemistry,love is natural..it just happened and exist..
maybe the great chemistry come from rob and kris because they really comfortable wit each other or they just have it..who knows??
LOVE CANNOT BE FORCED TO EXIST..
March 31st, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Like many of you guys, my heart sank when I saw the photos…Hey I was living the fantasy for awhile thinking they would get together. The possibility is still there. Think of the intimate scenes and future movies they will do together. This will stretch out for another 2 years at least, and if they do Breaking Dawn probably another 4 years! Lot’s of things can change in 4 years between KS/MA KS/RP…who knows. My hope has diminished but it is still there pulsing ever so slightly. I do not believe one bit that Nikki and Rob are together. Rob likes to drink and so does Nikki.. she likes to party. Of all things they share that in common along with music. You guys can also think of it this way, Rob is trying to move on but he’s still keeping Nikki close to be within Kristen’s circle. Guys who want to get with girls always try to be friends with her friends first. So both KS’s & RP’s circle of friends will always intertwine. Remember Kristen is young still, maybe this is not a good time for her to start dating Rob. Maybe when she’s 21 and he’s 25 is a better age. Rob would be more mature and then Kristen would have had enough time to realize what she wants and finally be legal in the states! As I am writing this my hope is starting to increase ever so slightly…I think right now is not the right time. Only time will tell!
For the time being, I’m taking a break for the Robsten ship. I will hop back on probably around Eclipse when they are both older. Hopefully that cruise will have a happy ending! Sigh…..
March 31st, 2009 at 10:20 pm
I wish iam kris bff, I can told her to broke up with MA(gyaah!!!) ;D
March 31st, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Wait.. nikki & rob? I hate that..Nikki seems like not his type..
I try so hard to receive about mike & kristen.. MIKESTEN..hmmm.. Sounds pretty good..
But, how about ROBNIKK or ROBKI ?
How I suppose to call them..?haha2..
I know isn’t fair for Rob..but, with my all regret , I have to say “Rob, if u can’t be with Kristen, just stay alone at least until the last movie over !!” sorry Rob..
Btw, I think Nikki supposed to be the one who knew everything about R/K/M..
She’s just like a liaison between them..she’s hanging out with rob and hanging out with kristen and mike..
March 31st, 2009 at 11:10 pm
such a good insight bellacullen!
that does made me feel a bit better about shipping them.
But im still not getting off just yet, im still considering all the circumstances around them and that kind of chemistry/spark or whatever are very rare and difficult to come across, so its really difficult for me to just turn my other cheek. I mean we all knew MA was in the picture from the very start so i thought it wont be easy to get rid of him. Its also good that whatever relationship that might blossom between ks and rp in the future would be something that’s well thought of and not just ‘rushed into’ and caught in the moment kind of thing.
There’s still 3more movies to come, and if by the end of promoting breaking dawn and they still havn’t hooked up or at least KS leaving MA, then i might consider getting off the ship. Who knew… c’est la vie!
March 31st, 2009 at 11:38 pm
kristen’s going to ruin their friendship isn’t she? i hope they can get through the movies without tension. what’s with the eye *** in japan though, then he checks out her legs every second she loves it, the remark she made in japan about kissing him or being bitten or something i still have the feeling a little their being covered idk why..did you ever read the australian interview where she said rob’s her type of guy..maybe just gossip flip IDK..she’s so dang hard headed. he will say goodbye to her, I think less [of] her now for leading him on like this…i don’t think i like nikki lately either she’s such a l–ch…Im sorry just venting ughhh.
March 31st, 2009 at 11:50 pm
i believe too that something is going on between them but secretly
April 1st, 2009 at 12:19 am
If he scr—-d Nikki-Robsten will never happen. You know bffs dont share men. Well Im done, again, until Eclipse then I will be a little hopeful.
April 1st, 2009 at 12:29 am
he was never with nikie it was just rummors
April 1st, 2009 at 12:48 am
Nikki is totally bad for his image. His management team would be totally against that. Nothing against her, (have you guys seen 13 she co-wrote that movie with Catherine H. based on her life. She’s admitted to drug use and being promiscuous at age 13. She filmed the movie at age 14 and did a fabulous job obviously since it was not a stretch from her real life) I mean that was her past and she CAN change but I bet Summit and his team would kill Rob if he hooked up with her. I don’t see it at all. They are just friends. ROBREED does not exist nor will it ever! Lot’s of people would loose respect for him I think.
April 1st, 2009 at 12:49 am
Correction, Nikki Reed has admitted to sex and drugs by age 12 out of rebellion….
April 1st, 2009 at 1:21 am
no Rob please dont waste time on nikki just be friend ok? i just wanted u to be still single than to be with nikki,i know that was her past but your just starting your career,just focus in your career dont let her ruin it. I mean she is not good to you. Your smart think about it. I mean there are more women to come to select for. If your not succeed with kristen its better u to be single and the ache it will past away!
April 1st, 2009 at 2:46 am
i don’t know what’s really goin on now. It seems that all logical concepts in R/K relationship are tumbling upside down. after japan’s premiere, i still put a high hope for their faithfully romance. but today, as i saw the creepy story on lainey about rob & nikki, i try not to believe it. still, i forced myself to believe that rob was pretending to get close with nikki in front of kristen & MA. big question, what was the intention of nikki being stay in vancouver when there’s no scene of her to be filmed right now? was she asked to accompany MA, who definitely visited his gf or she acted as a girl who supposed to visit her “bf”? i hope it just my overrated curiosity.
but, i really need all these things clear up soon. especially from rob’s side. i know he’ll be all in gossip columns this week since his naked scene picture in little ashes has been spread out through internet. poor rob…:(
April 1st, 2009 at 8:27 am
Hi little fighter, kristen an rob did a same thing on their movie
kristen doing ‘it’ scene on ‘welcome to the rileys’
i agree a lot with bella cullen!!
April 1st, 2009 at 2:11 pm
wow..this site is awesome..people come from all over the world bring in out the latest and different version information about rob and kris..i must admit..it is quite interesting..i do visit this site since january this year..and it become more interseting everyday..
anyone want to shared idea wit me..i [didn't like] nikki reed from the first moment i saw her..even before i kno she play rosalie character.but idk why..it just she is fake..its hard to explain but she is really fake!
April 1st, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Thanks so much everybody for sharing your insights. And, Rain88ph, I’m honored to be your brand of heroin.
April 3rd, 2009 at 1:06 am
aaawww, i am truly fascinated with every article you write about R&K, i hope and pray that this is really whats going on in their minds.. i picture them as a couple, they fit into each other.. i dont have anything against K’s bf Ma, but its just that they dont have the spark! i wish K will come to her senses.. thanks for writing such wonderful stories.. God bless!
proud to be Filipino..
April 4th, 2009 at 9:12 am
I don’t know why it’s such a big deal to Kristen to prove she has a boyfriend. Kristen,Stop toying with Michael and Nikki. Meet with Robert in a public place and settle this. Even though everyone would be happy for you and Robert, the pressure from the media would be lifted, tension ease,and broken hearts can start to mend. Come to your senses Kristen,I know you probably haven’t experienced an attraction like this before, but Robert is crazy about you. Are you’re willing to give him up because what people would say? PEOPLE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT YOU UNTIL THE DAY YOU DIE AND YOU CAN’T DO A THING ABOUT IT! Michael, you need to end it with Kristen and stop hanging on. Kristen, Nikki isn’t the friend you think. Keep her close and watch, but if you keep hurting Robert, he’s going to avoid you permanetly. It is possible to love two guys, it’s just guilt by holding on to the wrong one.
April 6th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
Tippy..oh my god..
u looked so sure and 100% confident in yourslef about all the stuff u write..
how can u tell rob and kris are really in love??by looking at their picture?by watched out their videos??oh geez..thats not enough to prove they are really in love..
or maybe u kno them in real life??so that u can really be sure they are really in love??
April 6th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Have you seen the fan photo from this weekend with Rob & Kristen in a taxi? I saw it over on the imdb boards. Its suppose to be from the night her rob, kristen, taylor & edi were going out to dinner. Apparently they are staying at hotels across from one another. The fan is staying at the same hotel as Kristen. She said they acted as good friends, and told people not to start any rumours on them. But of course for all the Robsten shippers out there, maybe you can look at the photo & write up a blog on it. Because we all enjoy your writting so much.
http://i328.photobucket.com/albums/l349/supershada/DSC00566.jpg
April 6th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Hey iceee, glad to meet a fellow Filipino. And, thank you for reading my stories.
Curious, thanks for the link and I’ll keep it in mind. It might fit in into something. You never know.
April 6th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
heyyyyy i think if kris didn’t take the risk, she will regret it!
gosh.. i’m start sick of this article
can you guys stop talking about mike??
gosh.. i think i don’t want to open this article anymore.. i’m so sorry lorna. i can’t stand if the article talking bout mike so much
April 7th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
al: why are saying that?
we cant ignored that..the fact that in reality mike was kristen boyfren..the real boyfren..
rob and kris is only a hope..
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:53 am
If these are their real feelings… how do you get thie material? this is my first time looking at these articles and well personally its made my day , year and etc im just shocked about is NR and rob wow ill tell my self she was just hanging out with him BETTA BE im so for KR and as for mike its not fair on him he should face reality and know that KR have what him and Kris use to have before twilight.
July 28th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
I think that cause she is going out with Mike he is dragging her away from Rob. Nikki is trying to resolve the problem but Kristan is hidden behind Mike She should be doing what she wants. Even though now it’s too late for her to leave Mike and go to Rob cause he is now in love Emile de Ravin!