A Twilight Kiss

Photo courtesy of Entertainment Weekly
Photo: James White

SEQ 03. INT. Rehearsal Hall.

COMPANY MINION #12
Why did you say that?

COMPANY MINION #13
Say what?

COMPANY MINION #12
That ‘We will lay our lives for the company to make sure the job gets done!’

COMPANY MINION #13
I was just backing you up.

COMPANY MINION #12
I was just reassuring Madame President that we can handle Project Lollipop!

COMPANY MINION #13
Yeah, that’s what I did too.

#13 gives a huge happy smile to #12, obviously very pleased with himself.

COMPANY MINION #12
13!

COMPANY MINION #13
Don’t say my name like that! It’s scary.

#13 gets a container from an inner pocket, takes a pinch and throws it over his shoulder. #12 stares with incomprehension.

COMPANY MINION #12
What are you doing?

COMPANY MINION #13
I’ve decided to fight the bad luck. Every time I feel threatened, I’ll throw salt over my shoulder.

COMPANY MINION #12
13!

#13 throws salt over his shoulder. #12 accidentally swallows the salt and chokes. #13 hears the sound of approaching footsteps. He pulls #12 into a small attached room. Hamburgerlet enters, followed by Trista.

HAMBURGERLET
Are you honest?

TRISTA
What?

HAMBURGERLET
Are you fair?

TRISTA
Burger, what do you mean?

HAMBURGERLET
Exactly what I said, Trista. Are you honest and fair?

TRISTA
I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Hamburgerlet grabs her by the arms and shakes her cruelly.

HAMBURGERLET
Yes, you do! You do! You do…

Trista’s tears run down her cheeks.

TRISTA
Burger, please…

Hamburgerlet releases her and walks towards the studio windows.

HAMBURGERLET
(brokenly) There are times when I wish I hadn’t been born.

TRISTA
Burger!

HAMBURGERLET
Do you know what it did to me knowing you were here with him? That he was beside you? That he was holding your hand?

While saying the following lines, Hamburgerlet stalks Trista until she’s against the wall. He traps her in place by placing his palms on the wall beside her.

HAMBURGERLET
(bitterly) Were you enjoying yourself, Trista? Were you enjoying the thought that you had the attention of two men?

TRISTA
No!

HAMBURGERLET
Did you have to be so affectionate with him, Trista? Did you have to make it look so real? Why did you pull that stunt? You know it’s ours! Ours, Trista!

TRISTA
What stunt, Burger?

HAMBURGERLET
Jumping on his back like a spider monkey! That’s our special thing together, Trista!

Hamburgerlet kisses her harshly. Their tears mingle on their lips. He releases her and staggers away.

TRISTA
I’m sorry.

HAMBURGERLET
Being in another city while he was here didn’t work. I was tortured with the images of the two of you together.

TRISTA
I’m sorry.

Hamburgerlet hits the wall with his fist, making his knuckles bleed.

HAMBURGERLET
This is insane! This can’t continue. It’s tearing me apart!

TRISTA
There’s nothing we can do.

HAMBURGERLET
I know what I want. I want some control back over my life.

TRISTA
It’s too late. We’re in too deep. We can’t do that.

Hamburgerlet goes to Trista and takes her hands gently.

HAMBURGERLET
Yes, we can.

TRISTA
But we’re under contract with the company!

HAMBURGERLET
So what? Our lawyers can always find loopholes…

Trista breaks away.

TRISTA
I don’t know.

HAMBURGERLET
What are you afraid of? We are not company minions!

TRISTA
(pleading) Burger, I’m not sure.

HAMBURGERLET
If need be, I’m ready to walk. We can just leave it all behind.

Lorna Lopez aka ATwilightKiss Notes

The Summit Conspiracy and Hamlet This teaser script is based on the allegations of interference in the private lives of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart by Summit Entertainment

As the allegations increased in breadth, I realized that it started to somehow mimic the storyline of Shakespeare’s famous tragedy — Hamlet

I was also inspired by the utterly brilliant play of Tom Stoppard — Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, which takes the story of Hamlet from the point of view of two minor characters who become the leads in the spectacular version.

Famous Robsten Episodes I will be using as inspiration famous Robsten episodes such as the controversial cab ride, the intertwined legs and the Sam Bradley concert, and connecting them with well known Hamlet scenes.

The Nunnery Scene The sequence above is based on – you guessed it – the Michael Angarano appearance in Vancouver when Rob went to LA on the last weekend of April 2009.

I imagined that its counterpart in Hamlet would be the nunnery scene where Hamlet accuses his lady love, Ophelia, of betrayal, and becomes alternately physically and verbally abusive with her.

HAMLET

Ha, ha! are you honest?

OPHELIA

My lord?

HAMLET

Are you fair?

OPHELIA

What means your lordship?

HAMLET

That if you be honest and fair, your honesty should
admit no discourse to your beauty.

OPHELIA

Could beauty, my lord, have better commerce than
with honesty?

HAMLET

Ay, truly; for the power of beauty will sooner
transform honesty from what it is to a bawd than the
force of honesty can translate beauty into his
likeness: this was sometime a paradox, but now the
time gives it proof. I did love you once.

OPHELIA

Indeed, my lord, you made me believe so.

HAMLET

You should not have believed me; for virtue cannot
so inoculate our old stock but we shall relish of
it: I loved you not.

OPHELIA

I was the more deceived.

HAMLET

Get thee to a nunnery: why wouldst thou be a
breeder of sinners? I am myself indifferent honest;
but yet I could accuse me of such things that it
were better my mother had not borne me: I am very
proud, revengeful, ambitious, with more offences at
my beck than I have thoughts to put them in,
imagination to give them shape, or time to act them
in. What should such fellows as I do crawling
between earth and heaven? We are arrant knaves,
all; believe none of us. Go thy ways to a nunnery.
Where’s your father?

OPHELIA

At home, my lord.

HAMLET

Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play the
fool no where but in’s own house. Farewell.

OPHELIA

O, help him, you sweet heavens!

HAMLET

If thou dost marry, I’ll give thee this plague for
thy dowry: be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as
snow, thou shalt not escape calumny. Get thee to a
nunnery, go: farewell. Or, if thou wilt needs
marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough
what monsters you make of them. To a nunnery, go,
and quickly too. Farewell.

OPHELIA

O heavenly powers, restore him!

HAMLET

I have heard of your paintings too, well enough; God
has given you one face, and you make yourselves
another: you jig, you amble, and you lisp, and
nick-name God’s creatures, and make your wantonness
your ignorance. Go to, I’ll no more on’t; it hath
made me mad. I say, we will have no more marriages:
those that are married already, all but one, shall
live; the rest shall keep as they are. To a
nunnery, go.

Exit

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