A Twilight Kiss

“Hey Flippy! Watch out for your feet!” Although I said the warning jokingly, I was half serious in my admonition to Rob as we prepared to do a shot for the Volturi fight scene. There were several sequences involved, but this one required Daniel Cudmore, who was playing Volturi henchman Felix, to grab Rob by the neck with his meaty hand and hurl him to the ground.

Although the six foot 7 inch man was a gentle man by nature, accidents were inevitable. On the first day alone, Rob unwittingly hurt himself when he did a forward roll, and, as only he can do, somehow managed to spin off the wide safety mat and cracked his head against the marble floor.

A Fictitious Entry that Chronicles the Thirst of Kristen Stewart aka Bella Swan for Robert Pattinson aka Edward Cullen

Although this post can be read alone, it would be more fun if you first read The Robert Pattinson Diaries — Kristen Stewart Driving Me Daft in Madrid

“As soon as I bloody can, I’m going to spank your saucy bottom and then have my abso-bloody-lutely carnal way with you.”

Although his words promised sensual pleasure, they also sounded like a threat, causing my body to become slightly rigid with tension as Rob slipped his arm around me, dangerously coming close to the lower slope of my right breast. The warmth of his hand scalded me through the thin layers of my Balenciaga dress.

WARNING: This post contains language that you may find offensive. Please use your own discretion.

A Fictitious Entry that Chronicles the Thirst of Kristen Stewart aka Bella Swan for Robert Pattinson aka Edward Cullen

F—k! I could feel the heat of his f—ing gaze, which was way hotter than the exploding flashbulbs of the cameras during the New Moon press conference in Paris France. Oh man, I can’t let him get to me. He and I both instigated a rule, and s—t, I can’t believe I’m using the f—ing phrase, on no public display of affection. I hunched my shoulders and turned my body slightly away from him in self-defense…

WARNING: This post contains language that you may find offensive. Please use your own discretion.

A Fictitious Entry that Chronicles the Thirst of Kristen Stewart aka Bella Swan for Robert Pattinson aka Edward Cullen

F—k! F—k Paris! The place is f—ing dangerous! I dunno what it is about Paris, but, it’s making me f—ing amorous or something, like, I feel f—ing romantic all of a sudden, like, I feel squishy like a marshmallow! F—k man!

Maybe it’s the f—ing air! Yeah, like, maybe I should stop breathing! Yeah right! Man, I’m getting really romantic here, like, I know Rob and I agreed no touching in public, but hey, this isn’t exactly public. We’re walking on a f—ing tarmac in the middle of the damned night. Like, who’s to f—ing see if I just put my hand on his elbow? Nobody, that’s who!

WARNING: This post contains language that you may find offensive. Please use your own discretion.

A Fictitious Entry that Chronicles the Thirst of Kristen Stewart aka Bella Swan for Robert Pattinson aka Edward Cullen

What the f—? It’s the same f—ing questions again about whether Rob and I are together! F—! Won’t they ever tire of asking them? I answered Karen Valby of Entertainment Weekly bluntly, “I’ve thought about whether to answer this question a lot. There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other.”

Other photo shoots and interviews came into my head, such as the one with Laura Brown of Harper’s Bazaar wherein I likened myself to a cat. She quoted me as saying, “With cats, you’re like, ‘Come here!’ And they’re standing there being like, ‘Fuck you!’” I felt like one right now, ready to claw anybody’s eyes out.